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Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Some Humour in the House

Life Reflections By George Carlin

1.             Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
2. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
3. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
4. I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
5. Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
6. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more Specific.
7. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take
him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
8. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster
is a maniac?
9. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she
was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is.
10. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I
figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are
always locking three of them.
11. One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness.
Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
12. They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a
T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
13. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because
they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have
photographs of her on the wall.
14. A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, "Don't
you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" I said "I didn't know there were
any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too".
15. Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald
Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

 

From: http://www.thehumorzone.co.uk/work.html

 

 

7 Comments:

At Wednesday, September 28, 2005 4:09:00 am , Blogger portuguesa nova said...

I love George Carlin!!

 
At Thursday, September 29, 2005 7:51:00 am , Blogger JeN said...

I think the first one is my favourite.

 
At Friday, September 30, 2005 10:03:00 am , Blogger New Age Harlot said...

Enjoyed that. Nice to see my quote up on your sidebar. And to let you know I’m re-writing my story NEW AGE HARLOT starting here .

 
At Monday, October 03, 2005 10:55:00 am , Blogger compassioNAT said...

Enjoyed that too. Especially no 13 and no 15.

Anyway who kills a deer because it's a beautiful animal doesn't really think it's beautiful.

 
At Monday, October 03, 2005 11:27:00 am , Blogger Daniel Hoffmann-Gill said...

Off topic but value your thoughts: any feelings on the fresh torture photos and US troops selling pics for porn access?

http://danielhg.blogspot.com/2005/10/us-troops-trade-images-of-dead-iraqis.html

 
At Tuesday, October 04, 2005 12:40:00 pm , Blogger Mel said...

That's hilarious! Love George Carlin and #11. I've often thought I was the crazy one in my group of friends. LOL!

 
At Wednesday, October 05, 2005 4:55:00 pm , Blogger Emmanuel.K.Bensah II said...

portuguesa nova--he's cool isn't he?!

jen--erm, you're weird;-)

NAH--I LOVE ur quote. Makes me feel so special:-) Will be down ur site soon...

compassionat--too right!

daniel--be down there soon, as in Thursday:-)

Mel--you ARE crazy, but in a sexy, savvy, cute way:-)

 

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