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Monday, September 26, 2005

Emotional Fight Club II: "I'll Give it Second Thoughts"


Thanks to all those who have thus far responded to my post “Emotional Fight Club”. Here’s just a quick update.


Contrary to the wishes of some of my colleagues at work (the female kind), I, needing to be in town near my girlfriend’s place, decided to surprise her with a visit.


She seemed indifferent to seeing me, but she was very civil and congenial.


“How are you, G?” I asked


“Fine. And you?”




“how’s work?”


“Fine, we have a workshop, Friday…Can we talk?”


“I have a meeting at around two pm. What time is it?”


“just gone a few minutes before two” I responded.


She signalled for us to move so we could talk.


We approached the lifts, and I started, with her looking me straight in the eye.


“I’m not here so much to apologise, as you say you have forgiven me, than to let you know {here, broke down from my rehearsed speech} I am truly sorry for what I did. I put my hands up. I want to make amends…”


She started shaking her head, “Emmanuel, it’s ok…we’re friends aren’t we?”


Then she added : “I hate to see people doing this to themselves” {suggesting she has given up?}


“But,” I added, “we can’t be proper friends after…”


She looked at me in surprise: “why not?”



I added: “at least, we have to resolve this before we can become proper friends…I identified three things I was doing which irked you…calling you so many times, for example, including when you told me you were busy; calling you at work…I want to work on those things. I want to give you space to work things through so you can re-consider. AT least, re-think the idea…”


She looked away from me, adding “Ok, I’ll give it second thoughts…


I was overjoyed, my little heart jumping for joy all over the place…;-)


“Will you”, I continued, “at least tell me you’ll re-consider?”


Then my heart sank…




But that seems to be her; she doesn’t want people putting words in her mouth, but she’s fine with giving me and the relationship second thoughts. But I mustn’t be complacent: the fight is still on to win her trust back.


At least, she came out with two things that annoyed her, and I pretty much conceded that they irritated her. She corroborated: “it’s okay…but it’s the phone calls. And the landline. Don’t call the landline {workline}”


As she went into the lift, I followed. I asked for a hug.


She refused.


But at least, she accepted me holding her hand, and giving me the traditional greeting of a handshake and click of the fingers…


She wasn’t feeling well: her eyes tired and her cheeks rather puffy.


Our interchange was punctuated with “Emmanuel, it’s ok”


Then I tried again. Her phone rang; it was her sister. She spoke to her, told me it was her sister and excused her for a second.


“Grace, at least, can we have a drink at the end of the week?”


“I can’t promise, Emmanuel…I’ll try”


Then she left.


For those women out there, is this a sign of a woman ready and willing to give me a chance, or it’s definite? I have to continue to fight—without a doubt.




At Tuesday, September 27, 2005 9:00:00 am , Blogger Daniel Hoffmann-Gill said...

Withdraw with dignity.

Salvage your pride.

Find another woman.

At Tuesday, September 27, 2005 10:02:00 am , Blogger Emmanuel.K.Bensah II said...

Hey Daniel! Looks like you're settling in o.k?

Thanks for the tip. Am seriously considering it.

Except that she is the woman I have been looking for in a very long time. She has great qualities, and, frankly, I've even considered going further with her in marriage.

I know it's frustrating. I will not compromise my life by NOT seeing other women, but I will not miss the opportunity to use this opportunity to correct the wrong.

I'm afraid if I leave it like that, I will take the same faults that led to this situation to ANOTHER relationship, then I will be back to the proverbial square...

I'm giving her PLENTY of space. And thankfully, going on leave will help me to think about other things...and improving my skills in other spheres.

At Thursday, September 29, 2005 5:34:00 am , Blogger sissoula said...

It's not so easy to withdraw, to salvage, to find sb new who means so much. All these experiences, the good and the bad, add up. They count for sth.

But wait -- in what way do you want to "see other women"?

At Thursday, September 29, 2005 6:15:00 pm , Blogger Emmanuel.K.Bensah II said...

Sissoula--thank you very much for the vote of confidence;-) Erm, when I say other women, I will look, but most likely, not touch:-)) Haha;-)

Seriously, though, Sissoula, this is eating me up so bad. But I refuse to let it. People keep on saying space, space, and am ALWAYS SO tempted to hear her voice.

That's stubborness on my side I have to got to deal with...

Each time I break my promise not to call her, I tell myself "I'll start the break tomorrow", then go back and call her the next day. Ouch...

I am a very strong and determined young man, and I intend to succeed in winning her back. And that is categoric.

At Friday, September 30, 2005 3:36:00 am , Blogger sissoula said...

It's good to know what you want, as long as the relationship doesn't turn into a battleground (where you fight and win, and then eventually lose). About the calls, that's a tough one, because women DO want devotion. They want to be worshipped and remembered and attended to constantly.

They also want to be respected... which sometimes means leaving some space, respecting the distance... but not taking too many liberties on your own in the intervals.

At Thursday, October 06, 2005 2:25:00 pm , Blogger Emmanuel.K.Bensah II said...

Ouch, sissoula. Thankyou for your invaluable advice...

But a bit too late:-(

In the sense that a young attractive woman who ttook a liking to me last week has been a bit on my mind (txting and calling)since last week.

I really am only flirting. Shes's in another region, which is 4 hours drive from the capital. But she's in a similar line of work I am.

SHe's cute, but I am limiting our friendship to flirting whilst I win the love of my life (Gee) back...

I think will write a post abt flirting on the re-bound or something...something about why guys enjoy a flirt...


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