Caught Between a Rock and a Hard...well, you know...

I'm not much into divulging my sex life here. At this point, those most close to me who happen to chance upon this would sit up. "Huh! What sex life??!!" Thankfully, that's not going to happen anytime soon, otherwise, I wouldn't have filled my journals (been writing since 1988, when I was 11) especially those of 1992-98 of matters sexual.

My Journal--appropriately named "Nights in White Satin", with all the literal and metaphoric connotations to do with white, satin, and night, and matters most-prurient -- which chronicles my life, both sexual and otherwise, between October 2003 (when I lost my virginity -- on United Nations Day can u believe!!) and January 2004 tells a very insightful tale of the type of person I am: confused and bemused.

But I digress...

This confusion is still prevalent today. All the more so know that I am a member of the putative blogosphere. I continue to write a journal--appropriately entitled "Marching To a Generation (The Saga Goes On...)" (trials/tribulations/love/life/sex in March 2005)--which I am almost done with now that we're in April. I hope I won't have to call it "April Blues";-)

But hell, since April is my month, I am gonna fight darn hard to make sure any negativity is deflected.

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to!

Anyway, it all reminds me of how confused I continue to be, because I am SO over the moon that I feel if I divulge much, I may always be tempted to divulge matters-oh-so-salacious here. I don't want to that, so I will merely hint at it.

G__ said I was smelling very nice yesterday. Thank God. I used some funky freshener for guys which I bought at a Shell Shop. It was with her in mind. I knew she would like it, as she loves her eau de cologne. The name, regrettably, is nameless.

Pooh.

To boot, she praised me for starting to be romantic, which she liked "very much". Which, I guess, suggests that I was barely romantic! Ouch...

At least, I'm getting somewhere...yes!!

But more importantly for me yesterday evening was our time spent together. Despite the fact that she is still working so late, and despite our phone calls, which I often felt frustrated by, yesterday proved to be the candle on the cake, as it were. She still feels VERY strongly about me, and enjoys my presence. She talked about how she wanted to "woo" me. But it was the wrong place, so she wouldn't allow me to caress he bum, etc.

We kissed. Albeit a short one. It was nice, but insufficient. Wholly insufficient.

She is my baby. I keep on telling her. She keeps on saying "I know". But I have from a very reliable source that she feels for me more than I could ever imagine...

Fingers crossed.